Basil Baxter loves me.

Basil Baxter plays D&D

Basil Baxter — Sun, 24 May 2009 12:29:07 +0000

Basil Baxter looked disappointed. ‘I’ve sent numerous E-mails and you never replied!’

The man standing in the doorway looked panicky. He seemed hard pressed to think up an answer to Basil Baxter’s admonition.

Basil Baxter put Polly down and walked up to the man, whose eyes were swivelling around the room as if to find an exit. ‘You know how impolite it is to not reply to E-mail? Or being late for that matter?’

Basil Baxter gestured around the room. ‘The rest was here on time…’

The man looked around the room. Around a table laden with soda cans, bags of crisps and dice sat several people. At the far end where Basil Baxter had rested Polly stood a cardboard dungeon-master screen propped up against a pile of rare vintage D&D manuals.

Basil Baxter continued his little diatribe. ‘I mean, the game is over already.’

The man regained some composure and replied in a shaky voice. ‘I… I can see that, what…’
He pointed at one of the seated figures, a big man who sat there still clutching his dice as his head wobbled on the floor below his chair.

Basil Baxter waved dismissively. ‘He failed his check.’

The man waved his hand broadly in the direction of another player, who apparently had died from multiple stab wounds. ‘A… and…’

Basil Baxter smiled. ‘Pit trap’

‘A.. a… a…’ The man tried not to get sick as he looked at yet another player whose head was resting in a bowl of Nacho’s while his lower body lay several feet away on the floor.

Basil Baxter chuckled. ‘Every DM steals some ideas from movies. Did you see the bit in Indiana Jones where the air goes “swoosh” and this big blade comes… please try not to get sick on the new couch? Use the floor if you must, I’m going to need to get the carpets steamed anyway.’

The man slumped down onto his knees and quite audibly lost his breakfast.

Basil Baxter grinned. ‘Thank you, I am sure. In any case, while you were gone we decided what would happen to your character.’

Basil Baxter picked up Polly and put her in gear. ‘Since you were late, well… Let’s say we enjoyed a chuckle at the irony and pun we thought up.’

Basil Baxter gives credit where it is due

Basil Baxter — Sun, 01 Feb 2009 15:36:38 +0000

It appears there is some major sports event afoot in the America’s. Specifically that part of it which is no longer a colony, nor a real country. (Basil Baxter admits to his intel being out of date on this one, he will have to investigate.) In any case; Basil Baxter applauds sports events. They lead to such interesting deaths; stadiums going up in flames, participants dropping dead… wonderful!

But here is a particularly original story:

NFL player’s wife attempts to lynch him.

Too bad it didn’t work out. Better luck next time Tanya!

The Twelve Days of Christmas - Pt. 12

Basil Baxter — Wed, 24 Dec 2008 18:22:49 +0000

The first day of Christmas

Basil Baxter sent to me

A rabid dog with hepatitis b

The second day of Christmas

Basil Baxter sent to me

High explosives, and

A rabid dog with hepatitis b.

The third day of Christmas

Basil Baxter sent to me

A fine spray of mutagens,

High explosives, and

A rabid dog with hepatitis b.

The fourth day of Christmas

Basil Baxter sent to me

Four asian birds,

A fine spray of mutagens,

High explosives, and

A rabid dog with hepatitis b.

The fifth day of Christmas

Basil Baxter sent to me

Five hashishim muslims,

Four asian birds,

A fine spray of mutagens,

High explosives, and

A rabid dog with hepatitis b.

The sixth day of Christmas

Basil Baxter sent to me

Six Rottweilers a-baying,

Five hashishim muslims,

Four asian birds,

A fine spray of mutagens,

High explosives, and

A rabid dog with hepatitis b.

The seventh day of Christmas

Basil Baxter sent to me

Seven borg adapting

Six Rottweilers a-baying,

Five hashishim muslims,

Four asian birds,

A fine spray of mutagens,

High explosives, and

A rabid dog with hepatitis b.

The eighth day of Christmas

Basil Baxter sent to me

Eight gangbangers altercating,

Seven borg adapting,

Six Rottweilers a-baying,

Five hashishim muslims,

Four asian birds,

A fine spray of mutagens,

High explosives, and

A rabid dog with hepatitis b.

On the ninth day of Christmas

Basil Baxter sent to me

Nine bombers bombing,

Eight gangbangers altercating,

Seven borg adapting,

Six Rottweilers a-baying,

Five hashishim muslims,

Four asian birds,

A fine spray of mutagens,

High explosives, and

A rabid dog with hepatitis b.

The tenth day of Christmas

Basil Baxter sent to me

Ten snipers sniping,

Nine bombers bombing,

Eight gangbangers altercating,

Seven borg adapting,

Six Rottweilers a-baying,

Five hashishim muslims,

Four asian birds,

A fine spray of mutagens,

High explosives, and

A rabid dog with hepatitis b.

The eleventh day of Christmas

Basil Baxter sent to me

Eleven cultists chanting,

Ten snipers sniping,

Nine bombers bombing,

Eight maids a-milking

Seven borg adapting,

Six Rottweilers a-baying,

Five hashishim muslims,

Four asian birds,

A fine spray of mutagens,

High explosives, and

A rabid dog with hepatitis b.

The twelfth day of Christmas

Basil Baxter sent to me

Twelve candy bars which may contain nuts,

Eleven cultists chanting,

Ten snipers sniping,

Nine bombers bombing,

Eight gangbangers altercating,

Seven borg adapting,

Six Rottweilers a-baying,

Five hashishim muslims,

Four asian birds,

A fine spray of mutagens,

High explosives, and

A rabid dog with hepatitis b.

The Twelve Days of Christmas - Pt. 11

Basil Baxter — Tue, 23 Dec 2008 18:18:35 +0000

The first day of Christmas

Basil Baxter sent to me

A rabid dog with hepatitis b

The second day of Christmas

Basil Baxter sent to me

High explosives, and

A rabid dog with hepatitis b.

The third day of Christmas

Basil Baxter sent to me

A fine spray of mutagens,

High explosives, and

A rabid dog with hepatitis b.

The fourth day of Christmas

Basil Baxter sent to me

Four asian birds,

A fine spray of mutagens,

High explosives, and

A rabid dog with hepatitis b.

The fifth day of Christmas

Basil Baxter sent to me

Five hashishim muslims,

Four asian birds,

A fine spray of mutagens,

High explosives, and

A rabid dog with hepatitis b.

The sixth day of Christmas

Basil Baxter sent to me

Six Rottweilers a-baying,

Five hashishim muslims,

Four asian birds,

A fine spray of mutagens,

High explosives, and

A rabid dog with hepatitis b.

The seventh day of Christmas

Basil Baxter sent to me

Seven borg adapting

Six Rottweilers a-baying,

Five hashishim muslims,

Four asian birds,

A fine spray of mutagens,

High explosives, and

A rabid dog with hepatitis b.

The eighth day of Christmas

Basil Baxter sent to me

Eight gangbangers altercating,

Seven borg adapting,

Six Rottweilers a-baying,

Five hashishim muslims,

Four asian birds,

A fine spray of mutagens,

High explosives, and

A rabid dog with hepatitis b.

On the ninth day of Christmas

Basil Baxter sent to me

Nine bombers bombing,

Eight gangbangers altercating,

Seven borg adapting,

Six Rottweilers a-baying,

Five hashishim muslims,

Four asian birds,

A fine spray of mutagens,

High explosives, and

A rabid dog with hepatitis b.

The tenth day of Christmas

Basil Baxter sent to me

Ten snipers sniping,

Nine bombers bombing,

Eight gangbangers altercating,

Seven borg adapting,

Six Rottweilers a-baying,

Five hashishim muslims,

Four asian birds,

A fine spray of mutagens,

High explosives, and

A rabid dog with hepatitis b.

The eleventh day of Christmas

Basil Baxter sent to me

Eleven cultists chanting,

Ten snipers sniping,

Nine bombers bombing,

Eight maids a-milking

Seven borg adapting,

Six Rottweilers a-baying,

Five hashishim muslims,

Four asian birds,

A fine spray of mutagens,

High explosives, and

A rabid dog with hepatitis b.

The Twelve Days of Christmas - Pt. 10

Basil Baxter — Mon, 22 Dec 2008 18:14:03 +0000

The first day of Christmas

Basil Baxter sent to me

A rabid dog with hepatitis b

The second day of Christmas

Basil Baxter sent to me

High explosives, and

A rabid dog with hepatitis b.

The third day of Christmas

Basil Baxter sent to me

A fine spray of mutagens,

High explosives, and

A rabid dog with hepatitis b.

The fourth day of Christmas

Basil Baxter sent to me

Four asian birds,

A fine spray of mutagens,

High explosives, and

A rabid dog with hepatitis b.

The fifth day of Christmas

Basil Baxter sent to me

Five hashishim muslims,

Four asian birds,

A fine spray of mutagens,

High explosives, and

A rabid dog with hepatitis b.

The sixth day of Christmas

Basil Baxter sent to me

Six Rottweilers a-baying,

Five hashishim muslims,

Four asian birds,

A fine spray of mutagens,

High explosives, and

A rabid dog with hepatitis b.

The seventh day of Christmas

Basil Baxter sent to me

Seven borg adapting

Six Rottweilers a-baying,

Five hashishim muslims,

Four asian birds,

A fine spray of mutagens,

High explosives, and

A rabid dog with hepatitis b.

The eighth day of Christmas

Basil Baxter sent to me

Eight gangbangers altercating,

Seven borg adapting,

Six Rottweilers a-baying,

Five hashishim muslims,

Four asian birds,

A fine spray of mutagens,

High explosives, and

A rabid dog with hepatitis b.

On the ninth day of Christmas

Basil Baxter sent to me

Nine bombers bombing,

Eight gangbangers altercating,

Seven borg adapting,

Six Rottweilers a-baying,

Five hashishim muslims,

Four asian birds,

A fine spray of mutagens,

High explosives, and

A rabid dog with hepatitis b.

The tenth day of Christmas

Basil Baxter sent to me

Ten snipers sniping,

Nine bombers bombing,

Eight gangbangers altercating,

Seven borg adapting,

Six Rottweilers a-baying,

Five hashishim muslims,

Four asian birds,

A fine spray of mutagens,

High explosives, and

A rabid dog with hepatitis b.

The Twelve Days of Christmas - Pt. 9

Basil Baxter — Sun, 21 Dec 2008 18:10:23 +0000

The first day of Christmas

Basil Baxter sent to me

A rabid dog with hepatitis b

The second day of Christmas

Basil Baxter sent to me

High explosives, and

A rabid dog with hepatitis b.

The third day of Christmas

Basil Baxter sent to me

A fine spray of mutagens,

High explosives, and

A rabid dog with hepatitis b.

The fourth day of Christmas

Basil Baxter sent to me

Four asian birds,

A fine spray of mutagens,

High explosives, and

A rabid dog with hepatitis b.

The fifth day of Christmas

Basil Baxter sent to me

Five hashishim muslims,

Four asian birds,

A fine spray of mutagens,

High explosives, and

A rabid dog with hepatitis b.

The sixth day of Christmas

Basil Baxter sent to me

Six Rottweilers a-baying,

Five hashishim muslims,

Four asian birds,

A fine spray of mutagens,

High explosives, and

A rabid dog with hepatitis b.

The seventh day of Christmas

Basil Baxter sent to me

Seven borg adapting

Six Rottweilers a-baying,

Five hashishim muslims,

Four asian birds,

A fine spray of mutagens,

High explosives, and

A rabid dog with hepatitis b.

The eighth day of Christmas

Basil Baxter sent to me

Eight gangbangers altercating,

Seven borg adapting,

Six Rottweilers a-baying,

Five hashishim muslims,

Four asian birds,

A fine spray of mutagens,

High explosives, and

A rabid dog with hepatitis b.

On the ninth day of Christmas

Basil Baxter sent to me

Nine bombers bombing,

Eight gangbangers altercating,

Seven borg adapting,

Six Rottweilers a-baying,

Five hashishim muslims,

Four asian birds,

A fine spray of mutagens,

High explosives, and

A rabid dog with hepatitis b.

The Twelve Days of Christmas - Pt. 8

Basil Baxter — Sat, 20 Dec 2008 18:07:16 +0000

The first day of Christmas

Basil Baxter sent to me

A rabid dog with hepatitis b

The second day of Christmas

Basil Baxter sent to me

High explosives, and

A rabid dog with hepatitis b.

The third day of Christmas

Basil Baxter sent to me

A fine spray of mutagens,

High explosives, and

A rabid dog with hepatitis b.

The fourth day of Christmas

Basil Baxter sent to me

Four asian birds,

A fine spray of mutagens,

High explosives, and

A rabid dog with hepatitis b.

The fifth day of Christmas

Basil Baxter sent to me

Five hashishim muslims,

Four asian birds,

A fine spray of mutagens,

High explosives, and

A rabid dog with hepatitis b.

The sixth day of Christmas

Basil Baxter sent to me

Six Rottweilers a-baying,

Five hashishim muslims,

Four asian birds,

A fine spray of mutagens,

High explosives, and

A rabid dog with hepatitis b.

The seventh day of Christmas

Basil Baxter sent to me

Seven borg adapting

Six Rottweilers a-baying,

Five hashishim muslims,

Four asian birds,

A fine spray of mutagens,

High explosives, and

A rabid dog with hepatitis b.

The eighth day of Christmas

Basil Baxter sent to me

Eight gangbangers altercating,

Seven borg adapting,

Six Rottweilers a-baying,

Five hashishim muslims,

Four asian birds,

A fine spray of mutagens,

High explosives, and

A rabid dog with hepatitis b.

The Twelve Days of Christmas - Pt. 7

Basil Baxter — Fri, 19 Dec 2008 18:04:27 +0000

The first day of Christmas

Basil Baxter sent to me

A rabid dog with hepatitis b

The second day of Christmas

Basil Baxter sent to me

High explosives, and

A rabid dog with hepatitis b.

The third day of Christmas

Basil Baxter sent to me

A fine spray of mutagens,

High explosives, and

A rabid dog with hepatitis b.

The fourth day of Christmas

Basil Baxter sent to me

Four asian birds,

A fine spray of mutagens,

High explosives, and

A rabid dog with hepatitis b.

The fifth day of Christmas

Basil Baxter sent to me

Five hashishim muslims,

Four asian birds,

A fine spray of mutagens,

High explosives, and

A rabid dog with hepatitis b.

The sixth day of Christmas

Basil Baxter sent to me

Six Rottweilers a-baying,

Five hashishim muslims,

Four asian birds,

A fine spray of mutagens,

High explosives, and

A rabid dog with hepatitis b.

The seventh day of Christmas

Basil Baxter sent to me

Seven borg adapting

Six Rottweilers a-baying,

Five hashishim muslims,

Four asian birds,

A fine spray of mutagens,

High explosives, and

A rabid dog with hepatitis b.

The Twelve Days of Christmas - Pt. 6

Basil Baxter — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 18:01:41 +0000

The first day of Christmas

Basil Baxter sent to me

A rabid dog with hepatitis b

The second day of Christmas

Basil Baxter sent to me

High explosives, and

A rabid dog with hepatitis b.

The third day of Christmas

Basil Baxter sent to me

A fine spray of mutagens,

High explosives, and

A rabid dog with hepatitis b.

The fourth day of Christmas

Basil Baxter sent to me

Four asian birds,

A fine spray of mutagens,

High explosives, and

A rabid dog with hepatitis b.

The fifth day of Christmas

Basil Baxter sent to me

Five hashishim muslims,

Four asian birds,

A fine spray of mutagens,

High explosives, and

A rabid dog with hepatitis b.

The sixth day of Christmas

Basil Baxter sent to me

Six Rottweilers a-baying,

Five hashishim muslims,

Four asian birds,

A fine spray of mutagens,

High explosives, and

A rabid dog with hepatitis b.

The Twelve Days of Christmas - Pt. 5

Basil Baxter — Wed, 17 Dec 2008 17:59:12 +0000

The first day of Christmas

Basil Baxter sent to me

A rabid dog with hepatitis b

The second day of Christmas

Basil Baxter sent to me

High explosives, and

A rabid dog with hepatitis b.

The third day of Christmas

Basil Baxter sent to me

A fine spray of mutagens,

High explosives, and

A rabid dog with hepatitis b.

The fourth day of Christmas

Basil Baxter sent to me

Four asian birds,

A fine spray of mutagens,

High explosives, and

A rabid dog with hepatitis b.

The fifth day of Christmas

Basil Baxter sent to me

Five hashishim muslims,

Four asian birds,

A fine spray of mutagens,

High explosives, and

A rabid dog with hepatitis b.