From the deepest depths of an Ebola-ridden corpse, Basil Baxter has emerged. Alone in the world, he has but one aim: total world domination. You are invited to join his elite team of henchmen. Together we shall overturn order, incite chaos, bring excruciatingly painful death to all. None shall be spared. Not even you. Why? Because Basil loves you.
There’s stuff you can buy. So buy stuff. Daddy needs a new pair of SS-20 nuclear missiles.
Basil Baxter looked disappointed. ‘I’ve sent numerous E-mails and you never replied!’
The man standing in the doorway looked panicky. He seemed hard pressed to think up an answer to Basil Baxter’s admonition.
Basil Baxter put Polly down and walked up to the man, whose eyes were swivelling around the room as if to find an exit. [...]
It appears there is some major sports event afoot in the America’s. Specifically that part of it which is no longer a colony, nor a real country. (Basil Baxter admits to his intel being out of date on this one, he will have to investigate.) In any case; Basil Baxter applauds sports events. They lead to such interesting deaths; stadiums going up in flames, participants dropping dead… wonderful!
But here is a particularly original story:
The twelfth day of Christmas
Basil Baxter sent to me
Twelve candy bars which may contain nuts,
Eleven cultists chanting,
Ten snipers sniping,
Nine bombers bombing,
Eight gangbangers altercating,
Seven borg adapting,
Six Rottweilers a-baying,
Five hashishim muslims,
Four asian birds,
A fine spray of mutagens,
High explosives, and
A rabid dog with hepatitis b.
The eleventh day of Christmas
Basil Baxter sent to me
Eleven cultists chanting,
Ten snipers sniping,
Nine bombers bombing,
Eight maids a-milking
Seven borg adapting,
Six Rottweilers a-baying,
Five hashishim muslims,
Four asian birds,
A fine spray of mutagens,
High explosives, and
A rabid dog with hepatitis b.
The tenth day of Christmas
Basil Baxter sent to me
Ten snipers sniping,
Nine bombers bombing,
Eight gangbangers altercating,
Seven borg adapting,
Six Rottweilers a-baying,
Five hashishim muslims,
Four asian birds,
A fine spray of mutagens,
High explosives, and
A rabid dog with hepatitis b.
On the ninth day of Christmas
Basil Baxter sent to me
Nine bombers bombing,
Eight gangbangers altercating,
Seven borg adapting,
Six Rottweilers a-baying,
Five hashishim muslims,
Four asian birds,
A fine spray of mutagens,
High explosives, and
A rabid dog with hepatitis b.
The eighth day of Christmas
Basil Baxter sent to me
Eight gangbangers altercating,
Seven borg adapting,
Six Rottweilers a-baying,
Five hashishim muslims,
Four asian birds,
A fine spray of mutagens,
High explosives, and
A rabid dog with hepatitis b.
The seventh day of Christmas
Basil Baxter sent to me
Seven borg adapting
Six Rottweilers a-baying,
Five hashishim muslims,
Four asian birds,
A fine spray of mutagens,
High explosives, and
A rabid dog with hepatitis b.
The sixth day of Christmas
Basil Baxter sent to me
Six Rottweilers a-baying,
Five hashishim muslims,
Four asian birds,
A fine spray of mutagens,
High explosives, and
A rabid dog with hepatitis b.
The fifth day of Christmas
Basil Baxter sent to me
Five hashishim muslims,
Four asian birds,
A fine spray of mutagens,
High explosives, and
A rabid dog with hepatitis b.
Are you sick? Demented? Do you prowl the streets at night, naked, wearing nothing but sunglasses? No? Oh well, we cannot all be perfect. Join Basil Baxter! Basil Baxter needs bloggers, artists, video-artists, musicians and the like to spread the gospel of Basil Baxter. And start commenting. If you are found worthy, Basil Baxter will contact you.
Ahmadinejad
Basil Baxter Loves Richard
Another One True Friend…
